April 10 Entry 3

April 11, 2010 at 3:01 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I failed to start the fast.

I have a really damaged system and it has got to be taken care of by fasting.

I have also got to take care of it by having 400cal max meals only and meals separated by 2 hours per 100 cals.

This terrifies me.  I feel great on the 400 max and 2h:100 plan but I get thin.

ok so the plan is.  I go to bed now, 8 pm sat. and I start my fast tomorrow sun. which is on time.  i start it in the am…. but tomorrow has to be day one of the day count too.

It is just a day count to repair my poor damaged body and heal and let myself rest and get well and functional.

I am glad because I really know what makes me depressed — large meals.  And the brain fog comes from these large meals too.  Large meals reveal themselves to be the culprit.  I have to do 400 acc. max. and I really have to space meals at 2 hours per 100 cals.  I won’t starve.  It is a certain amount of food.  It is fine.  My body will get stronger.

I have had really horrifying really damaging interactions today.  Escept with Susie Zatalokin.  But I still cannot really unedited unbridled express myself to her.  But I did shout it out to janis.  ut she was a f*cking f*cker beater at me but I did shout it all out at her.  so.

I am going to call up priyas voicemail when i know she is asleep and I am going to let her know what a f*cking f*ck she is for leaving , oh, she left me a message today whining and snapping at me FOR CALLING HER UP what a f*cking f*ck

I mean to tell her the world is sh*t BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE HER f*cking selfish f*ck.

The most upsetting thing today.. Bosmi didnt answer the phone but that was OK since I feel she welcomes me … I need to feel welcomed

the day count rules are:

THE GENERAL PURPOSE IS YOUTHING HEALING SERIOUSNESS SURRENDER AND GENTLENESS

]policies]

well i will write these down later ok

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